Introducing the Fuckyoubaru Forester

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/04/2017 at 16:26 • Filed to: None

This Forester with far too many 26.2 “look, I ran a marathon!” stickers on the back is parked at the pool next to my gym. I hate it oh so very much, and yet it’s only #3 on the list of things I hate on this gym visit.

#3) Fuckyoubaru Forester. I don’t give a fuck how far you ran, and if you tell me about it I will respond by sarcastically asking how much you can bench, because that’s nicer than punching you in the face.

#2) The shriveled old dude brushing his teeth with a power toothbrush in the locker room. Bzzzzzzzzwaaaaawoooooowwwssshhhhhbaaaaaaaaaawaaaaabzzzzwoooowaaaaaa.

#1) The less shriveled old dude chatting with a friend at the water cooler, who thinks spandex boxer briefs are acceptable to wear as shorts, with nothing else but a workout tank tucked into them.

DISCUSSION (16)

WilliamsSW > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:30

Yeesh. I’d suggest finding a new gym, but virtually all of them have a few people like this.

Also wtf on #1- seems like management needs to have a chat with him about appropriate attire...

Takuro Spirit > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:31

We get it. You run.

Svend > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:31

Classy.

Textured Soy Protein > WilliamsSW
06/04/2017 at 16:33

It’s the standard outfit for him and this one other dude every time they’re here. I even see them wearing that shit in group classes. Nobody tells them, “hey, cover up your dick and balls bro.” Nobody wants to see your old man junk.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:37

I think that 26.2 stickers were on sale. That many marathons is kind of ridiculous.

WilliamsSW > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:40

Something tells me that they either enjoy showing off their antique junk, or they’re just trying to prove their “I’m old and IDGAF” status.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:40

I saw a car with a 26.2 and a 13.1 sticker. Like once you do a full marathon nobody gives a shit that you’ve done a half. Nobody should give a shit you did a full one either, but they definitely shouldn’t care about a half.

Chariotoflove > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:41

Numbers 3 and 2, eh. But 1 is a hanging offense.

Textured Soy Protein > WilliamsSW
06/04/2017 at 16:42

I think he thinks they’re proper technical workout wear.

He also enjoys telling anyone who will listen that he’s a guitar player, while waggling all of his fingers as if to indicate that arthritis hasn’t yet claimed his ability to do that.

WilliamsSW > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:45

My “Creepy old man” meter is reading off the charts now.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > WilliamsSW
06/04/2017 at 16:51

“antique junk” - wow, I’m still laughing about that one

His Stigness > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 16:54

I’d with the runner and ask him if he’s ever run a marathon, to which he would probably reply with how many he’s run, in which case I’d get to respond with:

“Cool story bro.”

Maxima Speed > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 18:00

For years I always thought they were radio station stickers, as they look identical to the local radio station promo stickers. When I got my own car and started listening to the radio I realized hey wait.... there is no 26.2 on the radio. Derp.

DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 18:10

I have a friend who ran a mararthon on his first attempt about a week after getting into running. Kid isn’t even an “athlete”. Never played any sports, but has done a lot of backpacking. He doesn’t go around telling everyone about it though.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Textured Soy Protein
06/04/2017 at 19:05

You should asked him if he shit his shorts each time

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Textured Soy Protein
06/05/2017 at 13:03

Wow. Do people hit you up for sex while you’re there, or is that on your list of complaints as well? #beingatroll

I had a good gym trip this morning. I do CrossFit. I was doing a complex with the bar at 50 kg. Clean, squat, jerk. Working on getting to 60 kg. I bought some wrist wraps and it’s a game changer.